This last week my companion got horrendously sick. She didn't say just how sick and for a few days we tumbled along. Then one day she told me that her temperature had been 102 the night before. That little sneak... I can't believe she didn't say anything! We started taking a little better care of her. She's too tough, and does a good job at being so. But she's let me help her a little more every day and somehow we've grown closer through the coughing and fevers.
This morning I was thinking about something that happened in 2011. I wrote about it in my Life is Good blog, but I'll do a quick recap for you.
There was a Tsunami in October 2011 and at the time I was living in a dinky little tool shed at sea-level. Everything I owned was either protected by plywood walls and slotted windows or the plastic doors of my good 'ol Mazda, also parked at sea-level. I had been through the evacuation before and hadn't been affected by it in the past, but for some reason on this day I was LOSING IT. I was so nervous. I had no idea where I should go, what I should bring, or who I should stay with. Maybe I was nervous because this Tsunami seemed like it would actually hit, unlike it's teaser-tsunami friends that told big tales but never lived up to their true title. The news reports from other islands in it's path were horrendous and back on the mainland they were telling horror stories from the destruction on the coastal cities of Asia. Anyway, I had a couple options of where I could go to evacuate but was unable to decide. More importantly, it didn't seem to matter because the reality was that all of my possessions were going to be swamped in a few hours. My little shack was not going to protect anything and my poor car was definitely done for with this final battle against mother earth. Driving back to my shack to pack up what I could the thought hit me that I already knew where I should go. It was the safest bet. It was the highest recommended, and the majority of the town would be there already. Once I knew where I was going I was able to quiet my troubled mind just long enough to mindlessly throw some things in my backpack and make my way to the mountain behind the Temple. The night passed, the storm came, the ocean pulled out to sea but came back at about the same height as before. Another teaser. Tired but grateful, we all made our way off of the mountain-side and back to our homes. It was then that I realized what I had brought with me.
I can't recall exactly what was in my backpack, but I remember that it included my scriptures, my journal, my mission call, work shoes and pants, a sweater, and a jug of water. More importantly, I came home and realized all that I had NOT packed. My computer, my favorite pair of Vans (seriously.. can't believe I forgot those!), my camera, my stuffed animal.... all of my favorite things. I left it all behind and I honestly thought that I would lose it all. I left with a mind set that I would never see those things again, and yet I didn't bring any of it with me.
Alright, I'm gonna take you on a scripture chase. If you so chose to comply, here we go!
Take a question that you have eating at you right now. We all have them. Is your house payment due and you haven't gotten paid? Is your job caving in and you need to think of a better plan B? Do you not get along with your spouse/friend/child/dog? We all have decisions to make, so pick one that's been on your mind lately. Alright, now do you want to know what to do with your question?
He's guaranteed to have a better idea than anyone you've talked to recently. If anyone understands your situation completely, it's him. So go to him. Ask him what he thinks. Still not convinced?
Do you get it?
Now, you want an answer, right? When you ask a question in class the teacher answers you. When you ask a question to a friend they get on google and then answer you. When you ask a question to God, how do you get an answer?
You should be at one of two points now. You've either gotten an answer, or not. Either way it's always a good idea to double check, right? Same as in a test. Have you ever finished a test and felt super confident filling in every answer, but in your head you hear your teacher saying, "Always double-check your answers" so you go back and find 5 questions that you would've gotten wrong? Go back and double check.
Ask again, but this time give God a few of the ideas you've come up with. Tell him what you think your answer is, and ask if it's right. Ask again, changing the question a little bit. Maybe he's been answering the whole time but you just haven't seen it his way yet. Remember; His way is higher than our way. We have to try and see things on His level.
Finally, now that you've asked and double-checked and you think you have an answer, all that's left to do is act. Put your faith before your fear and take the first step. Don't dive in head first, but start to take steps towards your answer. It's scary sometimes because we just don't know. We hope. But with each step it'll be pretty clear if our answer is right or not, and the closer we get to reaching our solution the stronger we get. Finally we really can say that we KNOW what our answer is. We can look back and say that we know we were led to where we are. But before we can get there we have to act.
Maybe this will help you as it has helped me. Nobody is good at making decisions. Honestly, at least all of the women I've ever met struggle with choosing what to order at In 'N Out and that place only has 4 menu items. God sent us here and you better count on him helping you out. It's the only way to truly know where we are going. When those first decisions are made, the rest follow so easily. Once I realized that I needed to go to the mountain behind the Temple, all of my fears disappeared and I just started to act. I got to where I needed to go and not only that but I had what I needed with me. I wasn't weighed down by anything bulky or heavy or unnecessary. God knew. I didn't, but he did. And he helped me get there.
I love you so much and I hope that especially when you're struggling, or questioning, and even more so when you feel confident, that you remember to go to God. Yeah yeah I know I'm a missionary and it's easy for me to talk about this stuff. But I'm more serious about this than I've ever been about anything. More serious than Settlers of Catan, and donut burgers, and meteor showers, and finding true love, and hiking, and watching the sunrise, and driving towards nothing and never looking back. I would give up all of that if I could just figure out how to truly follow my God, my Savior. If I could just feel his love a little more, and follow a little closer, then I'd still have all of those other things... and I'll be even happier. I can promise you the same thing.
Have an excellent superb week. We're off to go organize books and then teach a sweet Dominican woman named Daila. Her brother is the sassiest, funniest guy and he's been hoping that we could teach her for a long time. I can't wait to see how it goes!
Love you,
a missionary
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