How's it been? Have you had a good week? Did you give up on any new years goals yet? Not to poke at something that's still sore, but if you have then just look at it again and adjust it a little. Nobody that's human actually works out everyday. Super-humans, yes, but normal humans no. So don't worry. Just adjust a little and get back at it!
Speaking of Super-humans, I do 100 push-ups every morning. Feel free to join me as I push for 200. Today I did 105 and felt pretty mighty accomplished. Progress is progress. no?
This past week was a struggle because of the darn adversary kickin' us down every time we tried to get up! The library was closed on P-day so we had to take some time on another day to write home. New Years Eve left all the missionaries confined to their homes after 6PM(totally reasonable. Nobody would want to see us then, anyway. The next day we got a message that a huge snow storm was coming in and we got restricted from leaving the house all of Thursday and into Friday. Saturday I drove my trainee Sister Tantillo to her new area and that took a few hours. Finally Sunday we woke up ready to get goin' and excited for the day! We had a few new people coming to church, a meeting set up, and a lesson scheduled for during church. 6:45 AM we got a call that the chapel had flooded after a major pipe-line froze, over heated, cracked, melted the locks on the fire sprinklers and set them all off throughout the whole building. So church got cancelled and our plans changed drastically.
WHEW! I bet you're thinkin, "Geeze she never says anything negative. What a faker." Ok it's because honestly it's very rarely that something bad happens and I don't immediately learn something amazing from it. I make an effort to bounce-back quickly and I make sure that when I lay down for bed every night I can do so with a smile on my face. Last week just blew!!! We had like -10 appointments, -12 degree weather, snow from all directions, crazy drunk holidays and I lost my dear sweet Sister Tantillo.
I hope you've appreciated this little outburst. It's probably the only one you'll get for the remainder of my mission. :)
So want to know what I learned this week?
God is good. He is so unbelievably merciful that even though he'd like for us to be perfect, he allows us time to be frustrated. Some parents will snap at a child immediately after they make a mistake. You know the type. Sitting in the big arm-chair at 12:01AM foot tapping eyebrows furrowed. You know, the kid is going to get the lesson learned one way or another, and I'd be surprised if he responds well to a cynical, tight-lipped midnight lecture from the ol' man. I know that God freely allows us time to be dumb, and to be frustrated, so that we can learn from our experiences.
Especially when it's not particularly us that messed up. I have often told myself, "You should go out right now and apologize. Or maybe just pretend like nothing happened. Either way, you should stop sitting in here acting like a sour-pants". If we were perfect then we wouldn't even storm away in the first place, right? In those moments when we know what we should do, but we just don't have the energy right then and there to do it, sometimes God allows us that time. I used to tell people that they didn't need to cry. I have gotten my mindset just so in order to change negativity to positive thinking in .5 seconds. But I learned this past week that sometimes we can be negative. Sometimes we HAVE to be a little down in order to realize the difference in climate when we get up again.
I know that sounds like a crazy thing to be grateful for, but I am so, so grateful that I get to be frustrated. I'm grateful for the moments of complete, crushing, helplessness... when there seems to be no light... when I feel lost and forgotten, and absolutely stuck. ONLY. ONLY because it's in these moments that I turn to God and ask for his help with more sincerity and true desire than ever before. It's in these moments when I'm feeling so low that I ask for it all to be taken away. And just before I can't carry it anymore, He steps in and takes it.
Have you ever read that poem "Footprints"? There's a few different versions of it and I wish I could get on Google and find my favorite one to share right now. Go, if you will, and find it on your own. Even if you've already read it. You are never left alone. Because of that, you don'thave to be strong all the time. For so long I have thought that we need to be more than we are. It's probably because I truly believe that wecan be more. We are capable of doing absolutely anything we need to if we put our faith in God. But when we just don't have it in us, it's okay! We can take a minute to be frustrated. We can vent. We can get it out and say dumb things that we'll probably regret. It's not wrong to feel negative; it's the only way that we can figure out the difference between that and happiness!
I love you all so very much and hope you're doing great.
Have a good week. Don't let your frustrations get you down. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you, and remember to always stand back up after you fall. It'll always be worth it.
Love love love,
Hermana Hileman
PS: Move mountains
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